


Alteration Finds

by zulu



Category: Jeeves & Wooster
Genre: 08-05, M/M, Mpreg, for:silja_b
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-05-08
Updated: 2008-05-08
Packaged: 2017-10-02 01:24:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zulu/pseuds/zulu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bertie is not about to admit impediments.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alteration Finds

**Author's Note:**

  * For [silja_b](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=silja_b).



**Alteration Finds**

'Rally round, Jeeves,' I said, clasping my hands at the small of my back and looking out the window at Berkeley Mansions in a decidedly somber mood. 'There's something dashed odd going on, and the young master is in the thick of it.'

Ah, but there, I've gone and started the rummy affair smack-dab in the middle of the thing. _Deus ex machina_, if that's the phrase I mean. One doesn't like to bash into the matter blindfolded, as Biffy did at the Drones' the night of the Spanish fiesta, when Barmy Fotheringay-Phipps handed him a cricket bat and gave him three good spins before setting him loose on all and sundry without so much as a by-your-leave. It was deuced awkward disarming the poor fellow without getting beaten into the same festive shades of the pinata-creature suspended from the ceiling.

Still, a bang-up at the Drones is far easier to explain than the pickle I was currently embroiled in.

'Sir?' Jeeves inquired, shimmering into the living room with an eyebrow at the expected angle; the man could say more with his _supercilia_ then most men could in a novel as thick as _Spindrift_.

'Exactly, Jeeves,' I said. 'All my life, in fact. Ever since I wore a sailor suit and ringlets. The thing has never been contested.'

'Pardon me, sir?'

'Sir,' I said. "The young master. Ever since I was a mere babe. The act of naming itself proves it: Bertram Wilberforce Wooster.'

'Excuse me, sir, but I'm not sure that I follow.'

I sighed and turned to face him. 'Jeeves, I'm quite certain that no young man of good standing has ever found himself in precisely this posish.'

Jeeves' keen eyes did not fail to register the fact that the trousers did not have their usual shapely fit, nor that my shirtings were unconscionably pulled awry. No fault of the tailor's, or of Jeeves' impeccable sartorial choices, but rather, the body of B. Wooster was not what it should be.

'Hm,' Jeeves said.

I was properly alarmed. 'Hm, Jeeves? You have nothing more profound to say? No wisdom to impart?'

'It is rather unprecedented, sir,' Jeeves said.

'Surely,' I said, in the tones of one whose ancestors had pulled their oars in the battle of Agincourt, and had kept their upper lips as stiff as you like since William the Conqueror had crossed the Channel, but who were not in the least accustomed to greeting the muse of the dawn with rather more of a bundle of joy than one is properly prepared to accept. 'Surely there is something you can do about this, Jeeves.'

'I shall call around the shops directly for ices and preserves,' Jeeves said.

'Dash it, Jeeves, that is not what I meant.'

'No, sir?'

'No, Jeeves. I had rather hoped that you, well. That you might, ah, resolve this situation.'

Jeeves' frown was slight, but I could not face the vast and sorrowful disapproval I saw there. He glided across the room to stand behind the young master, placing a hand at the small of my back, where he worked to relieve the tension of the muscles there with a deft and sure touch.

'I regret causing you any distress, sir,' Jeeves said softly.

Perhaps it will come as a surprise to any readers that might someday unearth these memoirs, but my man Jeeves and I had reached a meeting of minds that, as per the Bard, would admit no impediments. Not even, it would seen, the impediment of my suddenly rotund abdomen.

'Perhaps I could draw you a bath, sir,' Jeeves said, in a placating tone.

'I resent your placating tone, Jeeves,' I said, with a sniff.

'I apologise, sir,' Jeeves said.

'Perhaps a bracing draught of something or other?'

'I would not recommend your usual libations, sir,' Jeeves said. 'However, I have a preparation of my own devising which I have some reason to believe is most efficacious for individuals in your position.'

'Your own recipe, Jeeves?'

'Yes, sir.'

I considered this. Jeeves' concoctions were uniformly soothing, and the promised bath did not entirely meet with my disapproval. 'Then, go forth, Jeeves,' I said. 'The proof is in the pudding, I have no doubt. Go forth and work your magic.'

'As you wish, sir,' Jeeves said.

With that, I could certainly learn to be content.

_end_

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Alteration Finds (The Never Shaken Remix)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1579532) by [Nary](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nary/pseuds/Nary)




End file.
